Anxiety

I don’t know about you but I’ve had enough of alcohol, food, late nights and partying after an exceptional 10 days.

After tonight’s slow-roast lamb and a glass of red I really do need a rest.

I did manage to fracture my wrist but that was falling off a bike and not a bar stool, which I’m going to claim as a victory.

Since my early 30’s I have experienced an annual anxiety attack on the last day of the Xmas and New Year holiday. Tonight promises to be no exception.

I predict a restless night in bed, waking frequently with an imagination full of fears about what might go wrong in the year ahead.

You may well call that a self-fulfilling prophesy. I woke this morning just knowing it will happen and feeling apprehensive at the thought by mid-morning.

Is it just me – or do others have the same feelings?

I don’t have anything  in particular to be worried about. In fact, I could say less to worry about this year than many in recent times.

There are no elephants in the room.

My coaching practice is thriving and ideas are flowing.

There are adventures planned for the future.

Apart from a particularly bad patch of sporting injuries, life at home is healthy, peaceful and content.

Cash flow is manageable, with care. I’m not rolling in money but neither am I busting a freelancing gut to make it.

For the last 2 years I’ve constantly reminded myself of the self-examining question taught by my friend Michael Myerscough:

“is what you are about to do going to increase or decrease the level of confusion and complexity in your life?”

Post survival TV show, I’ve invested hugely in the decrease of both – with significant benefits to health and spiritual wealth.

Last year I ran just under 2,000km (including 2 marathons) before I buggered my knee in August and I’ve ridden over 1,000km since.

In 2015 I read 35 very good books, mainly literature with a smattering of personal and business development.

I took writing and singing lessons with talented mentors.

I ran out of enthusiasm for Paleo nutrition but have kept a stable weight along with good food and drink.

I love my coaching, speaking, writing and my weekends in equal measure.

I’ve written all of the above as a catharsis to reassure myself that everything is OK.

Yet – years of first-world hunting and gathering have fostered within me this feeling that as the sun sets this evening, I’ll be standing at Everest Base Camp, looking up at the summit and thinking, “Oh My God, here we go again, I’ve got to get to the top by the end of the year.”

Just habit I suppose – one that needs replacing but I haven’t figured out with what?

Smaller mountains maybe…

It remains to be seen whether I will sleep any better tonight.